My Firework
by steadyasbella94
Summary: Loosely based off the song Firework by Katy Perry. Emily wants to find out why JJ has a hard time with certain cases and goes to her home to check up on her. Jemily and trigger warning self harm and rape. please read and review.


My Firework

The case was hard for her, I knew she was struggling from day one. So when she headed home, trying with all she had not to show how she was hurting, I knew I had to check on her tonight. I tried to finish up my paper work for the night but I couldn't keep my mind from wondering to J.J. So after what felt like forever, it had only been an hour and a half, I picked up my bag, said my good nights and walked towards the elevator. "Everything okay?" Rossi asked coming up next to me.

"Yeah, I'm just sick of looking at paper work, its giving me a headache." I told my team member without looking his way.

Rossi nodded, probably not really buying it but he let it go. "Have a nice night Emily." he smiled at me and walked back toward his office as the doors opened.

Once in my car I drove to J.J.s wanting to see how she was, but once in front of her house it took me close to twenty minutes to get out of the car. Slowly I made my way up to her door and knocked a few times, nothing. So I knocked again thinking maybe she was asleep and I should leave, she answered the door. "Emily? Is everything alright?" she asked as she made sure her sleeves were covering her hands and wrapping herself in her arms.

I smiled slightly "yeah, I was hoping we could talk."

"Um yeah, come in." she opened the door all the way and I walk in following her to the couch. "Would you like some coffee?"

"That would be great" I stood there and waited for her to come back, and when she did she had two steaming cups in her hands. She extended her left arm to hand me the coffee she had prepared for me, and that's when I saw. I saw not much , but enough of her scratches to know.

J.J. Sat and I did the same "So Em, what's on your mind?"

I took a small sip "Actually, I'm worried about you."

"Why?" the blonde looked down slightly.

I took her hand in my own trying to comfort her. "Well Jayje, I know you have trouble with these type of cases. Like last month, when we shared that room in Tallahassee, it wasn't this bad, but you weren't sleeping well and all around a bit off." I said willing her to look at me and not our hands. "and then I see your arm. I know what I saw wasn't fresh but I don't believe they are any older than a few weeks." J.J. tensed up when I was talking.

The younger woman slightly shook her head and said "I um... I haven't used a blade in almost three weeks."

she still wouldn't look at me "But?"

"But I have this." she takes a bobby pin and lighter out of her pocket. "Will you take these for me?" she asked.

"Of course." I took the items and slid them in my own pocket. "did you use these tonight?" I had to ask.

Her tears were answer enough, I pulled her toward me and held her in an my arms until she calmed down enough to talk to me. Once she pulled back she rolled up her right sleeve to her elbow. The new vibrant burns looked so out of place on the blondes arm. "I'm sorry." is all she said.

"Don't be. What led up to this J.J.?"

J.J. takes a deep breath. "Before I moved to DC I was raped... and one day I found that hurting for a little bit physically was better than always hurting emotionally."

"Jayje... you know you can always come to me."

"Have you ever felt like a plastic bag drifting through the wind? Wanting to start again?"

she paused and I took it as my time to cut in "Do you know that there's still a chance for you?" She just shook her head.

"Do you ever feel so paper thin, you're like a house of cards one blow from caving in?" I took her hand to keep her focused on me and talking and not her new scars. "do you ever feel already buried deep? Like you're six feet under and no one can hear your screams." she was trying to old her tears back.

Rubbing circles in the back of her hand "you don't have to feel like a waste of space, you're original and can never be replaced." she was leaning on me, her hand still in mine, neither one of us ready to let go. "if we only ever knew what the future hold, I mean after every hurricane comes a rain bow. But if we boarded up every time it rained, we'd never see the good that comes after." I tried to explain better.

The younger woman sighed into me and replied "I don't board myself up... I just shut all my doors and don't open them."

One hand in hers and the other around her I said "Maybe the reason all your doors are closed is so that you can open a new one the leads you to down your perfect road?" it was partially a question and partially a statement.

I made her set up a little so she could finally look at me. "Em..." I leaned toward her, but only slightly. I wanted her to make the move, and she did. It was soft and slow, both of us afraid to ruin what was happening.

When we did break apart our faces were only inches from one another. "Have you cleaned your burns?" I asked, she just shook her head to signal she had not. "can I help you?" to that sh nodded and slowly got up and led me the the bathroom where she already had all her cleaning supplies out on the sink. She must have been starting the process when I arrived.

She sat on the toilet and I grabbed the burn gel, gauze and tape. Her sleeve already rolled up, I got to work. "I didn't cut because I... I was trying to be strong and beat the nagging need. I got rid of my blades... and I only use clean tools." she almost whispered.

"Is okay Jen, you don't need to beat it by yourself. I can, and want to help you... if you'll let me?" I was wrapping the tape around the gauze wounds. "And you are so strong, for keeping up with your secrets and letting me in tonight."

I stood her up and walked her to her room, where I intended on saying good night , I could tell she was not only emotionally drained but physically also. "Emily?"

"Yes baby?" I say no louder than she had said my name.

The blondes small smile as I said 'baby' was enough to know she was okay with it. "Can you just stay with me tonight?"

I nodded "Yeah, if you need anything I'll just be out on the couch."

"No." she took my hand in her own and pulls me to the bed "In here with me."

I thought about this for a moment and decided it would be fine "Sure, anything you want."

we booth lied down, neither one of us changing, and it was so quiet for close to twenty minutes I thought the woman next to had finally fallen asleep. Then she said with sleep in her voice "I'm sorry Em."

I wrapped my right arm around her stomach and whisper "To me baby you are a fire work." once I new she had drifted off I let myself do the same, tomorrow we'd have even more to talk about.

**Please let my know what you think. I'm not sure if I want to do more to it or leave it the way it is. Thank you.**


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